Is the person you are communicating with involved in the conversation or somewhere else? Do they see themselves from an internal perspective or as if they were outside themselves?

People who are associated (tuned into things):

• Usually lean forward
• Are often animated, using gestures and imagery
• Might include more emotions in the conversation

People who are dissociated (tuned out of themselves or the conversation):

• Usually lean backwards
• Use fewer gestures and practical language
• Often have a more objective approach

Both of these states can be useful. If you are facilitating mediation (where you must be neutral), then a dissociated state might be useful. However, if you’re listening to a close friend’s problem, an associated state might be more appropriate.