We can also use body language to influence how we and others feel. Let’s say that you’re facing a significant challenge that you’re finding tough to resolve because of your emotional involvement. You can say to yourself, “I need to distance myself from this,” and adopt some dissociated behaviors – leaning back in your chair and using objective language in your internal dialogue, for example. You might also want to use a Towards state rather than an Away state: relax your muscles and think of what you want to achieve.

If you were speaking with a friend who was in this situation, you might suggest that they imagine themselves as outside of the problem. If they are a matching type, you might also model dissociated, “towards” body language in the hopes that they will match you and adopt that state themselves. (It’s important to watch their body language to see if they match you. If not, you’ll want to switch to an associated state to ensure that they don’t view your body language as disinterested.)

These methods won’t guarantee an instant solution, but they should help you get yourself (or the person you’re communicating with) in the right frame of mind to achieve results.

Up Next:

Session 7: Asking Clean Questions