The Assertiveness Formula
You can also use this formula to express your feelings assertively.
| Step | Goal | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Step 1 | Non-judgmentally describe a specific behavior of the other person. | When you… |
| Step 2 | Describe, as specifically as possible, the effects this behavior is having, or the practical problems it is causing in your life. | The effects are… |
| Step 3 | Describe how you feel as a result, without using the expression, “you make me...” | I feel… |
| Step 4 | You describe what you want, preferably after you give the other person a chance to state what they think might be done. | I prefer/would like… |
Example: “When you leave your papers all over my office, it causes it to be cluttered and I feel disorganized and upset. I would like it if you could pick your papers up when you are done.”