This is when you have a list of inflexible rules about how you and others should act. For example, “You should have called me back right away if you weren’t interested.”

Imperative thinking creates anger because it implies that we are entitled to get what we want in a specific situation, or that people should be the way we want them to be. Then, when our imperatives are violated, we think an injustice has taken place.

Violating our own self-requirements (for example, thinking, “I should have done a better job”) also creates anger because we perceive the violation as failure. Usually what this means is that we have unrealistically high expectations. This is a trait we often see in a chronically angry person.

Here are some coping thoughts that you can use:

• “I’m not being reasonable here.”
• If you use the words should, must, or always, stop yourself and ask, “Is that really true?”
• Try thinking of the situation from someone else’s perspective.