The content (the words spoken) is one thing, but the way that people feel really gives full value to the message. Responding to the speaker’s feelings adds an extra dimension to listening. Are they disgusted and angry or in love and excited? Perhaps they are ambivalent! These are all feelings that you can reply to in your part of the conversation.

Reading Cues

Really listening means that we are also very conscious of the non-verbal aspects of the conversation.

• What are the speaker’s facial expressions, hand gestures, and posture telling us?
• Is their voice loud or shaky?
• Are they stressing certain points?
• Are they mumbling or having difficulty finding the words they want to say?

Demonstration Cues

When you are listening to someone, these techniques will show a speaker that you are paying attention, provided you are genuine in using them.

Physical indicators include making eye contact, nodding your head from time to time, and leaning into the conversation.

You can also give verbal cues or use phrases such as “Uh-huh,” “Go on,” “Really!” and, “Then what?”

You can use questions for clarification or summarizing statements. Examples:

• “Do you mean they were charging $4.00 for just a cup of coffee?”
• “So after you got a cab, got to the store, and found the right sales clerk, what happened then?”