In addition to its cost to your relationships, anger can also be bad for your health. Think of a garden hose. Let’s say you have two sizes: a ¼ inch and a ½ inch hose. If you hook the ½ inch hose up to the outside water faucet, you get a stream of water. However, if you hook up the ¼ inch hose, you get a much stronger stream of water because the pressure has been raised. When we get angry, our blood vessels constrict and it’s just like we switched from a ½ inch to a ¼ inch hose.

It’s clear that we need an outlet for anger. Some of us keep our anger locked up inside us and deal with it by not thinking about it. Other people tend to explode when they are angry. Neither outlet is very constructive, so we want to find other ways to deal with this powerful emotion.

At least in part, our anger is learned. We’ve learned how to cope with our frustrations and our hurts this way, and it has worked, at some level. In some cases, we’ve learned that being angry and aggressive is not appropriate, and we’ve learned that expressing anxiety or depression are more acceptable. Either way, we’re not managing our anger or channeling it in a healthy way. Sometimes we learn angry reactions, too. If our families are disruptive, chaotic, rude, or troubled, we can have a difficult time learning how to communicate our emotions.

We used to say that letting our anger out was a good idea. This is no longer considered safe, however. When people act out in anger, they can actually escalate anger and aggression, and are not doing anything to resolve the situation. Consider the costs and pay-offs to anger, and then learn strategies to handle your anger well.